Bareback background: An official position

A reader/client/friend sent me an email making some observations about the scene I recently completed with Rusty Stevens for Dominic Ford. This reader brings up the valid point that “Knowing you, I know pretty well that you would not do anything without thinking it through very well first, including working with a guy with the barebacking experience Rusty has. Was seeing a ‘clean bill of health’ enough to convince...

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Randy and Matt, or: The cycle of guilt and cowardice

Not all that long ago I was asked what I wanted in my connections with people. Well, J.C., I have an answer for you, and before I even write this (and I’m not so worried about whether or not I keep it to 500 words today) I sense it will end up in my Favorites list. This is one of those diamonds I sometimes birth after some painful struggle and terrifying introspection. First, some background information. When I lived in Los...

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Honesty: It fucking sucks after all, but not the way I expected

Okay, I gave it a good college try, but Matt’s just not that into me. Part 1 to this scenario is here, and part 2 is here. My career isn’t the issue. His career is the issue. He would make time to hook up with me for those first 6 weeks, but he (for two weeks now since I told him about my work) can’t make the time to talk to me with any consistency or maturity. He’s always “at work.” The day that I...

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Honesty: It doesn’t fucking suck as much as I expected

Just a few days ago I blogged about a worry concerning telling someone about my career, and how that might completely end our friendship/budding relationship. I ate, Sunday (the day before yesterday), at the restaurant he manages. I had a glass of wine. I told him everything. And he didn’t run away. “I’m not a judgmental person,” is all he said. In fact, he’d already figured it out. I just gogged at him a...

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What do you want from your connections?

Hi, Devon. I have enjoyed your blog, because it always raises questions for me. I recall an e-mail from Sean Cody a couple of years ago, responding to my question about leaving his Mormon faith. Sometimes emotions get into conflict with one’s reasoning, and this may make it difficult to continue on course. You seem to have gone beyond that conflict – but I wonder whether there is still some feeling that your life is still...

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Honesty: It fucking sucks

I have been blogging consistently now for almost two years – next month will be my “cotton” anniversary… Somehow that seems a bit underwhelming, but what can you do? But third years are evidently celebrated with leather, so here’s hoping I get that far with this site. 😉 In all this time I have been very open about the challenges, pleasures, obstacles, advantages, and other facets of doing what I do. And I...

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“The Last of the Wine:” Lysis, on prayer

Well, boys and girls… how about that rant yesterday? Whew. Well, I feel better… But now I need to take a moment to come back to center and recognize that although there are people who (without necessarily planning it) frustrate, anger, and hurt me, there are so many others who soothe me and make me feel loved. Thank you for your many kindnesses… Before I got sidetracked by a thoroughly discouraging week in Atlanta, I...

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“The Last of the Wine:” Sokrates, on getting and keeping a true and honourable lover

Mary Renault is, along with Isabel Vandervelde, my favorite writer of historical fiction. Renault wrote her books based in Ancient/Classical Greece during the 1950’s, so although her work is already amazing enough for its literary value, it becomes even more impressive because of how she treated Pederasty and Pedagogy (the training of young men by older men to be honorable citizens). It was an important matter, and a father...

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How honest are you on your blog?

Someone, I believe it was Curt, asked me how honest I am on my blog: Pretty damn honest. I have friends worry that I tell too much. But how else am I to fulfill the mission of this blog? What would be the point of undermining one series of misconceptions by creating new ones? I treat this writing space the same way I treat a dance studio and a theater stage: It is a space for me to share myself with people who are interested in what I...

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Take a bow…

There comes a time in any career when you have to start considering how you will make your exit (Here are some ideas for careers that you can consider after leaving performance). I’m not talking about my own situation (although I’ll address that in a moment), but of a friend’s. He’s been doing adult entertainment for about two years now, and, honestly, that’s about as long as most people do it. I’d...

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