Fifty Shades of Matte Gray
Jan27

Fifty Shades of Matte Gray

Fifty Shades of Matte Gray: Gay Porn and the Straight Look by Alexander Joseph (originally published on Vestoj.com) SEAN CODY IS A fifteen-year-old porn site for gay men fascinated by what’s been called dude sex or bro sex.1 The videographers strive to convince us we’re watching two or more all-American heterosexual college-jock types go at it. Gays have always borrowed straight style tropes – tattoos, camouflage, denim – but by...

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My ongoing process
Jun06

My ongoing process

I recently took a six-month hiatus for several reasons simultaneously. The RentBoy raid completely interrupted my practice (just when flights and hotels suddenly got more expensive again). I’m the executor of my grandmother’s estate (and none of the beneficiaries cooperate). I needed time away to recenter and recover from burnout. I thought I’d found an amazing situation (but even though he hired many...

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Sarah Palin said I’m worthless LOL
Jul27

Sarah Palin said I’m worthless LOL

I’ve begun the process of going to a councilor/therapist. Each week he offers me tools/exercises to help me contend with the issues we’re examining. We started with emotional journaling, so he could get a sense of how I was thinking and to what extent my moods were shifting. The next week he reminded me of the fundamental importance of breath, and how the quality of breath influences everything else in life. When my mood...

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Happy Birthday, you can get married!
Jun26

Happy Birthday, you can get married!

Spoiler Alert: Dark and heavy existential crisis ahead. Go elsewhere, if this isn’t what you want right now. I’m leaving Sunday for a week in Scotland. I very much look forward to being there. I need a break from reality. If you continue reading, you might understand better why I crave escapism at the moment. I haven’t blogged consistently for years. At first I felt I had nothing new to say: I didn’t think it...

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My impression of myself
Nov26

My impression of myself

This entry is going to be all over the place, because there’s a great deal going on lately that doesn’t feel connected (but I know it is somehow… I’ll improvise at the conclusion). The Michael Brown incident is currently triggering demonstrations all across the United States, now that a Grand Jury has decided not to indict Officer Wilson. Two weeks ago my friend, and former boyfriend, Shane passed away from...

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Pussy Control
Jun12

Pussy Control

Today I had a couple significant firsts simultaneously in one appointment: I had sex with a woman for the first time, and at the same time I had an MMF three-way for the first time. I am no longer a gold-star gay. It has been the only thought on my mind since the moment this afternoon when I realized my client was female. I never presumed I would ever be with a woman (let alone within the context of escorting… let alone by...

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Risk & Reward
Apr26

Risk & Reward

(Note: Do not play the bets listed in Spinning the Wheel – they are far, far, far too complex to manage in real life [though they worked beautifully on the iPad app], and the outside bets weigh down your wins [though they also mitigate your losses]. Keep it simple!!) I used to say that I don’t gamble, because I never win. That isn’t true at all. Without meaning to be arrogant, I have won the genetic lottery:...

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2009/2014, Then/Now
Apr17

2009/2014, Then/Now

This first pic (click to enlarge it) was taken in 2006, only six weeks after leaving my last boyfriend. I was 30 years old, weighed 120 pounds, and had 7-8% body fat. I was starving. I guess you can see that though. From 2002 until 2009 I was stuck at this weight, because of the malnutrition, stress, and unhappiness I was experiencing (often from my own bad and/or naïve choices). I will explain all that in the next few paragraphs. The...

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Boys to Men
Mar26

Boys to Men

A former student of mine who took my dance classes when she was attending the high school where I taught back in 2002 – 2004 asked me via Facebook: “After a series of events that have occurred around or in my life lately, and a conversation with a friend just now, I pose the question: What defines a MAN? At what stage in life can one call himself a MAN!?” I didn’t start calling myself a man until I was 32. I...

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I’m so GAY!
Mar12

I’m so GAY!

Every now and then I need to just wallow in the stereotype that is my gayness… I love fluffy and sparkly things (if someone ever finds a way to meld diamonds and cats my head will cave in from happiness). My favorite flavor is red, regardless of whether that is cherry, strawberry, or cinnamon. Pink should be required garb on Wednesdays, and P!nk should be the soundtrack those days, too. While we’re on that subject: Female...

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