I’m cool with that…

So, I went out last night (Tuesday Trivial Pursuit at Petra’s in Charlotte, NC) for the first time in quite a while. Every time I go out for fun I remember why I don’t. Over the course of about four hours I had umpteen random people come up to me (most of whom I had never seen before) and criticize something about the way I looked or the way I was dressed. I was on the receiving end of several cutting remarks about what I do, and I was called up on stage by the female impersonator hosting the event who said in front of about 150 people, “This is the only stripper I’ve ever known whom I would call an entertainer.” Mhm.

Here’s one exchange I had a few moments later: “You look very nice tonight.”

“Thank you. How are you?”

“I’m good. You’re that stripper, right?”

“Which stripper?”

“That guy that does all the flips and shit.”

“Oh. Yes, I’m probably that person, yes.”

“You look really hot. Can I take you home?”

“I came here with a friend. He’s my ride back.”

“Well, when you’re dressed like that it screams ‘Whore!’ I’m just saying.”

I was wearing jeans and a tank top with a baseball cap.

“Funny, I thought it was more of a whisper.”

I was pinched, poked, prodded, rubbed, humped, squeezed, and canoodled until I was just about done with being gracious. I finally settled into a nice conversation on the back patio, but before that happened I had to get ornery with someone: One boy came up to me randomly and said, “You are sooo fucking hot. But I’ve heard about you.”

“Oh? What have you heard?”

“That you’re a dancer.”

“I am a dancer.”

“Oh, well I don’t hold that against you. I’m cool with that.”

“Ah. Well, what do you do?”

“I work at Best Buy. I’m in retail.”

“Oh, well I don’t hold that against you. I’m cool with that.”

He went and sat down.

This could probably be alleviated by going out more. I am seen so seldom in my clothes that people just don’t know how to relate to me as a real person. I suppose I should start breaking down the social wall a little bit more, and letting people see me as I am. But that means I’ll have to contend with alot of sniping and mean bullshit along the way.

A total stranger walked up to me, and said, “So, did you tear the sleeves off that shirt?”

“No, it’s a tank top. I bought it like this.”

“Well, I’d like it better on a woman. I’m sure everyone else likes it just fine, but I’m straight.”

(Blink, blink… what the hell am I supposed to say to that?)

“Alright.” And then I turned away. What else is required here? I have no idea.

Part of me desperately wants to go out and be around people more (without it being in a work setting), but another part of me just rolls his eyes and thinks it’d be better to just stay at home with the cat. I like people, I truly do; however, there are times I just want to smack them. I have to admit that this is beginning to wear me out.

Probably the most hurtful non-interaction was with someone with whom I’ve hooked up several times. He kept walking by me with his head down, refusing to look at me. I finally approached him and said hello. He acted surprised to see me, and we had a very uncomfortable 30-second chat. About an hour later I left to go home. Immediately he texted me, “Sorry we couldn’t talk more. Let’s fuck again soon.” I think not.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. Devon: 2 words of advice for you.. FUCK THEM (no pun intended). Again, not to justify anyone’s rude and insensitive remarks/behavior but it goes back to people not understanding the difference between you as the entertainer vs you, the regular guy out having a good time (outside of normal work hours). I think if you ventured out more, you would be dealing with the same nonsense more often. You’re a nicer person than I could ever be in those type of situations. In some ways, consider yourself a celebrity. We see them on tv, magazines, etc so we think we know them personally when in reality, all we truly know is their professional side. The same holds true to you. Folks think b/c they’ve seen or heard u dance, they know you well enough to assume thats all you’re good for. Don’t personalize it b/c they are being ignorant. Your blog helps shutdown the stereotypes of a dancer (for me). Although I would be too intimidated to even approach you directly, I know I wouldn’t have the nerve to make a harsh comment. I would probably assume that b/c you’re a dancer, u would rather not be approached, let alone groped or touched if you’re not on stage; not to mention b/c you’re very attractive I wouldn’t even know what to say that you don’t hear on a regular basis..I suggest if you want to go out more, you do so but don’t step outside of your comfort zone to please people who ultimately don’t matter. Your friends and fans respect and appreciate the fact that you’re talented and multi-dimensional. Besides us, family, and ultimately yourself –who else really matters??? Now get your cute ass shaking in NYC..i’ll beat up the mean people for you..ahahaha

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  2. All I can say is you’re an f-‘in brilliant writer, Devon.

    Just think of all these assholes as being “good for your art.”

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  3. Man, I am not sure where to start!! The events you outline strike a cord with me. I agree with Curt, that you are in the same position as TV, Music or other national celebrities. These entertainers sometimes go through great lengths to go unrecognized in public, I am sure on some levels for the exact reasons that you have stated. The public is ignorant and cruel. Most folks are not mature enough to handle the difference of the “club” and reality. However, you are a great person with lots to offer and it would be a shame to not let the rest of the world in on what some of us already know.
    As for myself, I am a person of discretion and respect. If I see someone that I know outside of the club or any other entertainment venue, I have respect for that person’s space and expect that person to have discretion for me as well. It is all in the welcome, I think you have noticed that I am an outgoing person, so, I would make a suttle gesture to the person to see where the welcome goes. Once that boundary has been established, that would be the end of it.
    One suggestion maybe that you go out in different areas than where you work? That way you lessen the chance of running into someone who can not separate the two lives. But, by all means do NOT let a few idiots dictate your life and what you do, life is short and they are so not worth it.
    Take Care,
    Big Daddy C

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  4. thanks fellas – that is encouraging on one level (and disppointing on another). but i agree with you both – if i go out, it will simply need to be in establishments where i won’t bump into people from work… perhaps a straight club would be better? or hiking? or a yoga class? or anything that doesn’t involve spending time with people in a dark, smokey place. LOL

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  5. What the fuck is wrong with people?
    Seriously, you should be able to go where you want without having to put up with that shit.
    Maybe you should take a spray bottle filled with water out with you to squirt at assholes.
    It works on my cats.

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  6. Him: “Well, when you’re dressed like that it screams ‘Whore!’ I’m just saying.”

    You: “Oh, is THAT why you came running over?” 🙂

    Relax…..you will not have this problem after age 50.

    You: “I was pinched, poked, prodded, rubbed, humped, squeezed, and canoodled until I was just about done with being gracious.”

    Me: “I want to help you, Devon, but first you have to tell me what the PROBLEM is!” (Spoken in my perfect Blanch Devereux voice)


    Your REAL friends know the REAL you, and that is all that matters. If getting older has taught me anything (oy!!) it is that you only need a very few really good friends in this life to make it paradise!

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  7. I must admit I have a hard time fathoming why people think that if you are an entertainer then you are public property. You were obviously at the bar relaxing and not working, why don’t they just say hello and leave it at that?

    I could never go into entertainment, I hate people focusing on me. I would like to be rich and anonymous though!

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  8. lol rich and anonymous… now THAT sounds like a winning combo… take me to the pacific island when you buy one 🙂

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