Gay men fawning over straight dancers


There was a man named Dave in Atlanta at Swinging Richards who was in love with one of my favorite dancers, Charlie. Dave lived in Chicago, but he would fly in a couple times a month just to see Charlie. He was “in love” with Charlie, and wouldn’t talk to any of the other dancers. He wanted all Charlie’s attention, and he would get jealous when he’d watch Charlie give dances to other patrons.

To complicate the issue even more, Dave was married. The inconsistencies throughout this entire scenario almost make it a sitcom, except that I genuinely felt bad for Dave. I remember saying, “Dave, you’re paying for a fantasy, not a reality. Why don’t you try talking to one of the gay dancers?” His response: “I don’t want a gay man. I like only straight guys.”

That hurt. It really did. And it brought to the surface a problem in the gay community – don’t we get treated badly enough by straight people? Why do we treat each other even worse than “those people” do? Not much to say here: If you fawn over a straight dancer, you deserve the heartache you’ve paid for.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. If a person is seriously interestead in an entertainer whats the best way to approach the entertainer? How do you know if the entertainer is in to you? People say of course they seem into you…they want paid. I agree with that but even entertainers date and mate…..don’t they???

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  2. Well, that’s a very interesting question, and a good one. I personally don’t date, but that’s me. Many others do. I mate from time to time though. 😉

    Entertainers have to walk a fine line at the club – we have to be interested in and available to everyone. If we show too much attention to an individual while we’re at work, it undermines the fantasy for everyone else there. We can’t be perceived as being already “spoken for.”

    It’s hard to say how you’ll know if an entertainer is genuinely interested in you as a romantic or sexual partner, because everyone has different limits. Some dancers will let private dances go further with men they’re attracted to. Some will be willing to see you outside of the club if you light their fire. The problem is this: You have to first ascertain the entertainer’s sexuality. (see my blog on gay-sexual, bi-sexual, buy-sexual, and pay-sexual)

    Without knowing the dancer’s sexual preferences you’ll never know which signals are which or how to interpret them. A “buy-me-a-present-sexual” man will see you outside the club, go to dinner with you, etc., but won’t actually be into you, because he’s straight and is letting you spend time and money on him. To ascertain a man’s sexuality, see who he’s checking out when he thinks no one is watching – does he give the twice over to men or women (or both in the case of bi-sexual men).

    Once you’re reasonably certain you know the man is gay or bi (and not “buy-” or “pay-“), then approach him just as you would any other man. A gay or bi dancer who is genuinely interested in you will not only treat you as well as (if not better than) everyone else, he will privately (or if he’s not very diplomatic, publically) return your expressions of interest. Be careful not to mistake flirting with actual interest.

    Bottom line: Entertainers are people, but when you meet us work, we’re working. Better to get him away from the venue and see what’s going on with him outside the context of work. If you don’t get even that far, then the entertainer is probably not interested.

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