Just Devon! (2009) *insert Will & Grace hand gesture
Odd. Especially given yesterday’s mortifyingly pathetic blog about Allen. I’ve been getting a new affirmation that I’d not anticipated: The gay superhero/role model. Y’all, I’m 5’7-ish, weigh 150-ish pounds, and I screw up more than almost anyone I’ve ever met (no “-ish” on that one). Look at the humiliating bullshit I subjected myself to for two weeks with a gorgeous, but emotionally shattered, 22-year old college student (who told me 50 different ways up front that he had psychological wreckage piled up to his eyeballs)?! A day after severing ties with him, and I’m already wondering what the fuck I was thinking… Drama. Stupid. I know it, and I know this: He’s going to grow up and be an amazing man one day, but who has 10 years to sit around waiting for that sweet day?
The hyperbole of Super Devon is a tad much. But it’s still something I want to address, because this blog has begun to be read on a wider scale. Although I’m excited about that aspect of the site’s growth, there is beginning to be a misrepresentation of me that threatens to undermine the entire point of this blog (that I’m just a person like anyone else, and so are other adult entertainers).
With increasing regularity I am getting recognized walking around outside of the bars. I’m fine with that. I’ve had some nice little convos face to face with people; however, people have started saying that I look like a gay superhero or that I am a gay role model for them… Okay, let’s just stop this right in its tracks: I am one of the singularly least heroic or admirable people I know. I share alot of myself here, but by no means do I share everything.
People look at what I’m doing online, and although I admit it takes audacity, I don’t get that it takes anywhere near the strength some of my readers are giving me credit for. I appreciate very much that there are people who will look at my ability to wallow publicly in my own drama and analyze it as something interesting in and of itself; however, it doesn’t make me anything more than I am.
In creating this site I was seeking to scrape off the exotic, not lacquer more of it on. Please, dear readers, don’t forget why I am doing this. I bite my fingernails, fart, and fall for the wrong people as much as anyone else. I appreciate and embrace your affirmations and support, because it means that I am succeeding in making myself real (in an intangible, electronically delivered way), but I really don’t want to get turned right back into something I’m not (and on an even larger scale, to boot!). That would make everything else I do/write seem artificial.
It’s just me: If you see me getting gas, buying cat litter, or dancing on a pole, just come say hello if you feel you’d like to do so. I’ll try not to shatter your eardrums with my voice or crush you into atoms with my hand shake. Honestly, if I have any superpower at all, it’s simply that I am unapologetically and utterly me.