I recently took a six-month hiatus for several reasons simultaneously. The RentBoy raid completely interrupted my practice (just when flights and hotels suddenly got more expensive again). I’m the executor of my grandmother’s estate (and none of the beneficiaries cooperate). I needed time away to recenter and recover from burnout. I thought I’d found an amazing situation (but even though he hired many male/female/transgender workers over the years and said he was fine with my career, he was not). I tried to change everything about myself in a futile effort to please him, had a nervous breakdown over his pressuring me constantly about money (even though he was the reason I wasn’t making any), attempted suicide out of fear of becoming homeless, had to be hospitalized, and spent the last few weeks recovering. I’m much better now, so please don’t fret. This is just sharing information, not crying out for help. xoxo
Yes, I’d been planning to transition GRADUALLY away from escorting as I maintained Anteros Media, built a fitness business, and looked at options for becoming a CNA. However, I never meant to suddenly abandon my career the shambolic way I did in December. That decision was made under pressure. Now I’m picking up where I’d originally intended to be in the first place: On a course toward multiple streams of income, while happily and casually feeling out which options to pursue. On my birthday this year, I’m going to renew my wedding vows to myself from 2012. I honored them faithfully for 3 1/2 years, so these last 6 months are utterly humiliating.
Also, I’ve been an adult entertainer for nearly 20 years, and it’s part of who I am when I’m happy and doing what I want to do. The selfies here represent where I was exactly a year ago. I’m hardly different physically from then, but I’d like to add a tiny bit of mass back on. It gives me a fitness goal to focus on. I’m doing the workout used by the actors in the movie 300.
I know this is a stark message, but this is the way I’ve always spoken on my blog, in interviews, on forums and social media, and in other places. I don’t like to keep secrets, because I don’t like people being able to hold my emotions ransom. Often, people tell me I make myself too vulnerable by sharing my weaknesses or faults; however, I find it liberating for its own reasons, despite the risk. Perhaps this post has been off-putting, but I just wanted to clarify that yes, I’ve reworked my previous blog post to reflect my current situation; yes, I’ve re-activated my Rent Men ad as of an hour ago; and, yes I’m again seeing clients (but minimizing the constant travel until I can figure out this post-RentBoy world, and to give myself time to develop my other ideas).