Firing Clients: A Rant

Fair warning: I am about to have a fucking rant. And if you don’t want to read that type of energy, now is the time to click off here and go somewhere else. I’m pissed, and this is my diary, and I need to get some shit off my chest.

It isn’t pleasant, but sometimes it has to be done. And I’ve done it twice this weekend: I fired two clients. Perhaps I’m just getting too saturated with idiotic bullshit to be able to tolerate it anymore? Perhaps I’m getting cranky in my old age? Could it be that after five years of escorting I’ve established enough of a steady base that I can be less tolerant of disrespectful crap? Am I less willing to be a sycophant? Or maybe it has less to do with me and more to do with people being selfish assholes? Do I need more sleep? It’s probably a combination of all the above.

At any rate, there are two fewer time wasters in my life that I have to worry about. Over the years I have learned to let anonymous people go. You have no choice, especially when you haven’t even met them, and they’re already draining you. Like Tracy Chapman sang, “I’m too old to go chasin’ you around, wastin’ my precious energy.”Β Be sure to familiarize yourself with the clues that someone is a time waster.Β At this point I’m not even surprised anymore when it happens, but it still doesn’t make it any less infuriating.

Dud #1 was the type of time waster who pulled a “Disappearance” on me. This weekend was the second time, too. In my defense, the first time it didn’t work out with him back in December 2013, it was because he “got sick.” It was down to the last 90 minutes before we were to meet, and I still hadn’t heard from him. The convo had seemed legit, the booking in order, and all was fine… Then I noticed it: He never replied with his number to make it easy to communicate the day of the appointment. So, I emailed him. An hour later (i.e. 30 minutes before we were to meet), he replies to say he woke up that morning with strep. Muthafucka, it’s almost 9 o’clock in the goddamned night, and you couldn’t tell me this until now???! It’s cool… it’s cool. He was sick, so I was empathetic (but annoyed). Bitch, if you know you’re sick, you could tell me earlier in the day, so I can make other plans! Okay, I’m fine now… ahem. So he wasn’t a no-call/no-show that time, but only because I asked him what was going on. Last night, however, he was a Disappearance that became a no-call/no-show, and that, you fucking asshole, isn’t cool. NOT AT ALL. BLOCKED! I might leave him on my email list anyway, even though I have blocked getting replies from him. I go to DC often, so I get a perverse pleasure knowing he will keep getting my emails, but I will never get his (not even if he writes to request that I remove him from my mailing list). Fucking prick. I rearranged my meals for this?! I set up all my evening plans around this??!! I DOUCHED MY ASS FOR THIS???!!! He’s going to hell for standing me up, so it’s not my problem anymore. Punk ass.

Dud #2 pulled the old “Excessive Communication/Psychic Vampire” game. This guy was emailing me upward of 15 times per day. And in each message was only one frantic request. Finally, after days of this, the conversation was so completely disjointed that I finally asked him to put all his requests into one email, so that I didn’t overlook anything (not that I actually believed we were ever going to meet). He said he’d make a fucking spread sheet for me. LOL WHAT?!! But here we go… maybe I’ll be wrong. He’s a first time client, and has never hired before (or whatever his story was). It isn’t a red flag per se, but when people want to book a month in advance I have learned to expect a reschedule or cancellation – many people simply cannot schedule that far in advance. Life throws too many changes at them. So, between the 100 emails in the course of a few days, the request for a date weeks away, and a long distance out-call for an overnight to Charleston, SC… well, I presumed this was just smoke in the wind. So I was genuinely surprised when he sent me a deposit for the overnight via PayPal. But then it happened: I could watch him melting down via his messages. Less than 24 hours later he’s asking me to issue him a refund of the deposit, because “his work has been rescheduled.” He had freaked himself out on all levels, and evidently sending the deposit just made it worse for him because I’m “a total stranger.” I’m sorry, but if my +25 glowing reviews, 7 years of blog entries, 30 porn videos, and hundreds of online pictures can’t help you feel that you can trust me, then you need to get the entire fuck out of my face. Exactly what else am I supposed to do to put you at ease?? I told him days ago I would issue the refund tonight when I got home. But there he is earlier today, asking that I please not forget his damn refund. Bitch, here’s you refund, and don’t email me ever again. Wasting my damn time… This shit is entirely too ridiculous. I should’ve deducted the cost of the wine I’m going to have to drink to get over him being such a pain in the ass.

On behalf of all escorts, I am asking all flakey clients to please go do something else with your time (aside from wasting ours). Get a different hobby. As I said on Twitter the other day, “If there were a class of people I would obliterate with the smite button on God’s keyboard, it would be No-call/No-show clients.” The level of abject disrespect toward an escort that this behavior expresses is so offensive, not because of the money per se, but because of the way we get thrown away like human garbage on a whim after everything we do to accommodate people in their need. GOD! Go away! Contact us when you’re actually ready to treat us like the hard working professional people who deserve respect that we are. It’s not like we don’t have enough to contend with already. Flakey clients: Keep your insanity to your damn selves.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. You’re entitled to a good rant! I sympathize….

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  2. Is it wrong that I feel for you and yet find your rage to be a huge turn on? Cum visit St. Louis Bubba. This man will treat you as you should be treated with rrspect.

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  3. DUDE. I feel so bad for you!!

    We’ve met; so you know my experiences with flakey escorts, and, yes, Devon, you know that they exist.

    However, you ARE a true professional in every way. You are punctual, and you respond expeditiously to every communication. You show up ready to play, and your hygiene, yep-EVERY inch of you, is perfect. You are NOT a flakey escort.

    I believe in Karma; so I know that someday the flakey escorts and the flakey clients will meet. I am certain that they will have an undeclared competition to see which one can drive the other crazy (crazier) first.

    In the meantime we can take comfort in the fact that we treat each other with respect and that the professional escort and the grateful client do occasionally meet. πŸ™‚

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  4. You’d probably benefit from a perspective check here. Flaky time-wasting no call/no show clients are common across most service industries. Lawyers deal with that shit from clients. So please don’t think it’s special treatment reserved for sex workers. And it sounds like you’ve been relatively blessed with minimal encounters with the flaky type if these two incidents were all it took for you to go on a rant. How innocent you must be that you even let strep throat guy book a second time.

    Good for you putting your foot down with both clients but it’s unhealthy to get into “How Dare You, Sir!” mode over something so trivial.

    (You are welcome for the unsolicited advice on a three month old blog post. Have a pleasant day.)

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