Red flags: Time Wasters & No-Shows

I haven’t written a practical blog for career advice in quite a while, so it’s time to do that. In light of two of my interactions here in San Francisco, I am reminded that I have meant to discuss this in the past: Timewasters.

In escorting, as with many other professions, time is money. And so people who waste time are particularly problematic, especially in cities where overhead is naturally high (e.g. New York City, San Francisco, Miami, etc.). Time Wasters and No-Shows can completely undermine your trip, and you won’t know it’s happened in many cases until you are either en route or already at your destination. It is very important to identify red flags, so that you can minimize this problem.

As I said in “Street walkers, walking into Darkness” in April, 2010, you must be very organized. One way to do this is to screen clients via email, not phone calls and texts. By communicating through an on-going, written conversation, you can look for the following red flags:

  • Fragments: A client is more likely to flake if he does not communicate in full sentences via email.
  • Extreme delays: If it takes a client more than 2 days to reply every time you exchange email he is more likely to flake.
  • Sudden, urgent messages: If a client (particularly one you do not yet know) is eager to meet NOW, then he is just as likely to masturbate and flake, or to contact several escorts at once and go with the one who replies first. You should generally avoid last minutes, especially if they write in fragments. These often commit the following faux pas as well:
  • Haggling: Your fee is your fee. If it is fair, then do not come down off of it, or you crack the door open on desperation, and that is a slippery slope into degrading compromises. Even if someone relents and agrees to your fee, what will you do when he shows up and has only that amount he originally offered you? If he can’t afford you, you can’t afford him. Also, he may agree, set up the appointment, and then flake because he didn’t have the money in the first place.
  • Waffling: If someone needs to adjust the date and time once, that’s fairly common. Even twice doesn’t seem so bad; however, if someone keeps messing with the time, or in some way seems to question coming, he is much more likely to flake.
  • Excessive communication and Psychic Vampires: The opposite problem of Fragments and Extreme Delays. There is a difference between hearing regularly from an established client (who is also a friend) and getting more updates than are needed from an unknown/new client (especially when the correspondences don’t add any new or pertinent information to the ensuing appointment). There is a fairly good chance these men will not show up, because they’ve already gotten everything from you they needed for free. If the person in question is a good, reliable client/friend, then obviously this does not apply.
  • Disappearance: If the communication feels good, the appointment is scheduled and confirmed by all parties, but then the client no longer replies to messages in any form (e.g. voicemail, texts, email), he is likely to have changed his mind and simply doesn’t want to deal with canceling. This is extremely problematic, because you can’t know how to proceed. I suggest getting ready in case the appointment happens, but not to be too surprised if it doesn’t.
  • ADDED 1/28/11: The young and the beautiful: Clients under 30 years old, students of any age, and self-professed hot guys are extraordinarily likely to flake. Although a few will follow through, most of these are looking to get their egos stroked by getting a discount or freebie. If you agree, you have lost money; however, if you don’t relent, you are likely to get stood up. Beware of any client who tells you in some way that you will be lucky/glad/turned on by how young or beautiful he is. I take it with a grain of salt when “hot” people try to work me for their egos’ sakes. I am lucky/glad/turned on to have respectful, reliable clients. You would be best doing what I do: Schedule the young and the beautiful only if your itinerary is already full, and you can afford it when they flake out (which is why I am more amused than angry right now).

All of this works both ways. Clients can look at the above and decide whether or not an escort is unreliable as well. In addition to this, clients will often fare better when selecting escorts who have multiple affirming reviews. If you are particularly interested in an unreviewed escort consider that he is more likely to flake under the following conditions:

  • Hometown player: He’s not on the road, and doesn’t have to cover the overhead of travel.
  • Youth: The young… Need we say more?
  • Underpriced: There are a couple issues here. Is he willing to provide full escorting services at a price that seems too low? Why? Is he not the person in the pics (but hopes you’ll let him stay, since it’s easier than searching again – his fee is low after all)? Is he going to do add-ons unexpectedly? His base fee is the low fee, but this is $x and that is $y? Attaching a fee to a sexual activity is prostitution, and that is illegal in most places. Another consideration: If his fee is low he has less to lose by not showing up, so the incentive to keep the appointment is reduced.
  • Porn Stars: Just because someone is a brilliant video model, it doesn’t guarantee he is a good companion. Look for reviews.
  • Short term ads: Take your time. Watch the ads. The guys with faceless pics who advertise only a few days aren’t likely to be professional. Professionals maintain a web presence through ads, blogs, and other forms of consistent interactivity with the public. Traveling escorts will often have multiple ads, and one of them may be permanent, or the escort will make it easy to find himself in a consistent manner. Three-day hustlers often have an array of complications attached to them, and are very likely to flake.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. Devon just a couple of things I would like to comment on and ask you:

    1. What if your escort won’t be upfront about doing things? My escort for example makes me do all the work and I can no longer bottom for him because despite his assurances he still is rough. I think he takes E’s as well. I respect his boundaries but I want oral done to me and he won’t. Yes I know I should get another but in my part of the world it is difficult to find solid guys most escorts are far too skinny and yes I know that’s being discriminatory, but I don’t want younger skinny men. I just with some one is upfront for example I say I want to rimm you and then they go all funny during the act refusing it, yet before had said no issue.

    2. If an escort meets a client who is say obese, ugly, old (personally all stupid labels as no one is perfect) why do they whinge about it? Complain whinge is an Australian word. Maybe there should be a school for escorting? Sounds flippant? Well no because I have met male and female escorts socially and I have brought up, or rather the conversation has swung to, client work. One said it best “I wish I could legally shoot the clients some would never get sex even with a million’ or the classic “I advertise for muscle men only, I don’t want old, fat, Asian or any ugly f**k”. Needless to say he went out of business quick.

    Why do it if the majority of one’s clients are going to be ones you would not even spit on or even dream of having sex with? Sorry to be blunt, but I just don’t understand why get into doing this if you cannot at least try to enjoy the session?

    Also would you be interested in doing a post one day on the psychic vampires thing? I don’t think every PV is doing it on purpose and you should just get rid of every person (maybe even some pets are PV as well and that’s not a joke), but god I have met so many.

    Thanks Devon just fascinated by all this.

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  2. 1) You should not meet with someone who is not transparent. It is crucial to avoid surprises and disappointments, and I highly suggest you not see this escort again. There are other options, and hopefully options who will treat you with more dignity and respect. To avoid these types of issues, ask specific questions up front. Get specific answers. If an appointment is not what you want, pay for it, and do not patronize that escort again.

    2) I don’t understand the escorts you’re meeting. I don’t know anyone who acts like that. You’ve described situations like this before, and, to be frank, I don’t understand their expectations. At all. If what you are saying is true, then the people you have had the misfortune of meeting are operating in a manner that is foreign to me personally.

    When I speak about psychic vampires, I am talking about people who drain the emotional energy from you. Their attitudes, words, and general demeanor suck the life out of you. Psychic vampires may not even realize they are doing it, but after spending time with one you will realize the vampire is left energized and you yourself are exhausted. Needy isn’t deep enough to describe a psychic vampire: They don’t just need, they take, and they take to a degree that makes it impossible for them to sustain connections with people.

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  3. Thank you for posting this. It’s important advice for escorts and for clients as well. Knowing how the other party is affected by your behavior (intentional or not) is one way to try to avoid it. It would be nice if we could all simply rely on the words respect and dignity but unfortunately,we can’t.

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  4. Well all I can see is Devon I was one of those vampires and I noticed since dealing with a lot of issues a couple of people who avoided me hang around me now, and the relationships I have with those two have changed, they are far more positive and uplifting. But I also noticed one other person I now avoid because she is so negative. Interesting.

    Re escorts, obviously the choice is limited because Australia has a lower population, but as for not meeting my escort, yes I have decided not to after reading your reply. But the point about the discrimination, again it might be a country or culture issue because the ones I have met have remarked to me how disgusting their clients are. But, as you say, be upfront which I will make sure I do.

    Keith yes agree but at the same time I have met a couple of escorts who were great so not all are bad, but I still think that if one is to do this line of work one has to be prepared to be, as much as possible, accepting of others. I just don’t see the point of wanting to make money doing this yet treating the clients with contempt. Again, that’s only my view based on my own culture.

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  5. Interesting. Seems very risky financially for people to flake. That is strange that people would bail out like that.

    It makes sense because there is a big stink and stigma over pornography. So people start having second thoughts which effects how they behave through e mail.

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  6. Michael Australia – REALLY? you snivel about “most escorts are “too skinny” and then whinge about escorts finding fat asses like you ugly? if you think skinny is unattractive, they DAMN sure have the right to consider fat ugly.

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