Guest Writer: J.P. Barnaby (3 of 3), “The best way to alienate your fans”

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The best way to alienate your fans

In my previous post, I talked about a few ways to draw people to your work and connect with them in order to promote loyalty and increase visibility. For my last post with Devon, I want to share a story with you to illustrate a great way to lose not only fans, but subscribers for your various studios.

I am an erotic author.  As part of that discipline, it’s my job to imagine wicked, sexy scenes for my novels.  Last week I had a thought for one of my favorite adult models on a scene for a specific studio which with he is affiliated.  The idea was simply a role reversal with another model (an idea that was not unique to that site); however, for this particular model, I hadn’t ever heard of him doing any kind of switch like this, despite seeing countless comments wishing that he would do so.  I wrote out a quick sketch of my idea and emailed it to the model.  We’d emailed a few times previously, so I figured there would be no harm in doing so.

I was mistaken.

To say that he was not receptive to the idea would be a grave understatement.  As someone who also receives emails from fans, I saw that there were two ways he could have dealt with my email.  The first would have been to simply say that he didn’t think the idea would work.  This I would have understood and accepted.  Instead, I received a rage-filled, hateful email (with a cruel follow up message just for good measure).  I was shocked by the sheer aggressiveness and almost violence of his response, as were the friends I shared it with.
The results of that email included me pulling my subscriptions from the sites he is affiliated with, informing those studios of his interactions with their subscribers, and the withdrawal of my friends’ subscriptions.  I realize that to an industry such as gay adult films that this is merely a drop in their bucket against a bankable model’s lure, but I just could not justify paying hard-earned money to someone who would treat a fan so harshly for merely trying help increase his fan base.

My advice to you, from one professional to another, is this: If you receive an email, tweet, Facebook post, blog comment, etc. that angers or upsets you, do not respond while you are angry.  Once you hit that send button, you cannot take it back, and you have absolutely no control over what happens to the email. Have someone else look over your reply to see if there is the possibility that what you say may come back to haunt you. Think about the possible repercussions of your email.  Would you say the same comments in a blog post or on Twitter?  You just might, because there is nothing to stop the recipient from posting your email anywhere they choose.

I did not name the model or re-post the conversation publicly, because I’m not a vengeful person.    My email obviously upset him, and I’m honestly sorry that it did.  It was never my intention.  This post serves merely to remind you that once you post something on the internet (either via email, or sites such as Twitter), you can’t ever get it back.  There are thousands of bots monitoring Twitter to re-post tweets.  Even if you delete the original post, it’s still out there forever.  So, take a deep breath, or even a walk before you respond to someone in anger, because your reputation could depend on it.

Wishing you a wonderful and productive 2011,

– J. P. Barnaby
Twitter: @JPBarnaby

Erotic fiction is more than just moans, grunts, and physical pleasure. To J. P. Barnaby, erotic fiction consists not only of the mechanics of physical love, but the complex characters and relationships that lead to those all-encompassing feelings of need and longing. Sex without context is merely sex – but sex coupled with attraction, with explosive repercussions – that is good erotic fiction.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. Also how to alienate your fans: do a bareback straight scene

    Post a Reply
    • Jakers –

      Just out of curiosity – how is that worse than doing a bareback gay scene?

      Post a Reply
      • JP, I don’t think the point of Jakers comment was that bareback gay porn is better than straight porn. I think what he is saying is twofold:

        1) Porn is based on fantasy. And when a gay porn performer (emphasis on the word gay) decides to do a straight scene, that fantasy is broken. In some respects, it’s hard to see that performer in the same light.

        2) When this performer does a straight porn scene without a condom, it’s like a slap in the face; it basically sends the message that unprotected sex with women is okay, but all gay men have aids/hiv/stds and I must protect myself. When women can get stds just as easily as men.

        I hope that was some clarification…

        Post a Reply
  2. Very well stated. And I hope the person you sent the email to reads this and thinks twice before treating another fan in this manner.

    Post a Reply
  3. Words have power. They can be helpers, healers, revealers, and eye-openers – or they can be dangerous and hurtful weapons. Unfortunately, there are some (model in this case) who simply don’t get it right. A clear message may have been sent, but it was not heard correctly. I would say it is a situation of learning and moving on!

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  4. I wonder, JP: Have you told this model to come here and look at this? I think you ought to consider it.

    Post a Reply
    • Devon –

      I haven’t, but after it got picked up by @MenOfPorn and Corbin Fisher Daily, I’d be surprised if he hasn’t seen it.

      The point wasn’t to call him out, but to remind people to take a minute and decide if they really want to hit send.

      While I won’t be rushing out to buy any of his DVDs any time soon, I don’t wish him any problems either. Life is too short to dwell. 🙂

      Post a Reply
      • J.P. – I am not one to disagree with Devon, but your correct in your thinking.

        Post a Reply
        • Yeah, it’s best to pick the battles worth fighting.

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  5. Hello Devon

    I just wanted to revisit this having had a couple hours off to read and catch up on sites etc.

    I have been the giver and receiver of hate email. I do not do it now because of the widespead diffusion. However, whilst that model should not be named, I am wondering if the studio or someone did tell him off. Why? Well the point is one day he is going to have a new career and this may surface. I know one email from a ex friend of mine I have to keep as he wanted to do me harm. Well I can’t say for sure I won’t use that if he bothers me again.

    My point is – the lesson I learnt only last year was the difference between intention and presentation to the world. We are told to ‘be ourselves’. Sorry, to me that is not possible. For example, I liked someone and when the queens found out because I casually mentioned it to someone I was told that person ‘would not mount a fat whale like you’. When I said I liked that person but it was just that, no dating or no going out, he found out and let me have it that he was not interested. Then, and this was the funny part, months later I was out not on a date but with this guy and the guy mentioned he was going home with me. The other guy hit the roof.

    I know there are other variables here but my point here is that the model had some issue and took it out on JP. That was wrong. To say no firmly but polite is the given expected reaction. Obviously it is up to him to address his issues, but we need to take pity on him because it will bite him. It bite me. The internet simply makes it worse. Look at Mason Wyler’s life; it is bad enough when a small circle makes a comment, but when it becomes the whole world putting their view in especially if it is disapproving. That’s a heavy price to have these energies on you.

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