Adventures of the disappointing dick pump, part 3

Wow. Scotty read about my (mis)adventures (see part 1), and decided he wanted to give it a go. I mean really: It’s rather like when you say, “Ew! This stinks like a dead body… Smell this!” And then you do…

I suppose he thought I was exaggerating, and wanted to see if it really was so awful. Okay. Let me put this in perspective for you. Scotty smokes, he speaks slowly, he mumbles so much that I can almost never understand anything he says, and his voice is already naturally deep and gravelly on top of all that. When I say Scotty shrieked in a falsetto, “Is it gonna make my dick explode like a sausage??!!” Anyway, you get how momentous the occasion was.

What’s funny is that I was standing on the outside this time, watching everything I’d described already: The questioning look (“How do I get my limp dick into this thing?”), the lightbulb (“I’ll give it a pump or two…”), and then the panic and fear… I laughed my ass off. It was even funnier when he resigned himself to being captured and said, “I wanna see if I can hit the end of the tube,” and KEPT PUMPING!!! I thought he was gonna pop. It was terrifying. That’s probably why I had tears coming down my face… yeah, that’s why…

So. There you have it. When I get around to getting rid of the iron maiden on E-bay (see part 2), you’ll be able to bid on a device that’s been used by two, TWO, oily strippers… mwa-ha-ha! (Read that last bit with the voice of the Count from Sesame Street in your head.)

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. Wwooww… I bet now that you’ve advertised it on RealJock, you’ll get a good price for that torture device!

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  2. lol – i’ve considered it. hahahahaha can you just see THAT getting through the moderators??

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  3. Well one thing can now be said…
    This is trully one device where “many” men have gone before.

    That damn pump has seen more dick in just a few weeks than I have all year.

    Oh the humanity!! 🙁

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  4. I need to see proof that the “Disappointing Dick Pump” has indeed been used before I send my money for the thing.

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