How to give a “proper” lap dance

I have to finally broach this topic. I don’t know why I’ve been putting it off, but I finally came across enough stupid “lap dances” on Youtube and saw enough retarded straight dancers giving zombie-like “lap dances” at Swinging Richards, and I have finally had enough. Whether you are a professional or not, the whole point of giving someone a dance is to make them feel sexy, as if they are the only person in the world while you are giving them your attention.

First, the “NO” category:
*Bad floor dance w/gratuitous lesbian action
*Gay guy is too shy
*Raping the willing
*I think I just threw up in my mouth
*Washing machines aren’t sexy
*This time I did throw up in my mouth

Then, the “MAYBE” category:
*Hot hips, but too much furniture
*Variety, please… the spice of life
*Cut the first 30 seconds, and this would be a “YES”
*“Hot” bear action… :-/
*Give him 12 weeks to work out, and it’s a “YES”

Now, the “YES” category:
*Hot black dancer on white chick – look at how aroused and genuinely happy she is at the end! This is a fantastic lap dance – 10/10!
*Ignore the end, the first 45 seconds are good

So, here is a summary:
*Avoid fast, jerky, and/or nervous/partial body contact
*Keep the receiver in a safe, upright position without restraints on his hands
*Employ full range of motion in the hips in various directions (otherwise you get washing machine hips)
*Keep the space around you clear
*Use a variety of touches, rhythms, and facings
*Make eye contact as much as possible
*Focus on slow, deliberate, confident, strong touches (but not so hard as to hurt)

note: Some places do not allow touching or straddling at all. In those instances, maintain the legal distance while still keeping the fundamentals in mind. Even if you can’t touch, you can imagine that you are in contact with the receiver and then channel that energy into the space between you.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. I have a confession to make, I have never had a lap dance. After reading your blog I wish I had! BTW I like your first name. I am keeping it in the back of mind as an alias if I ever do the counselling lines again (first time around I was ‘Daniel’).

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  2. LOL excellent – counsel people to come get lap dances from me 😉

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  3. I’m convinced that I want my first lap dance to come from you. You are the kind of professional that takes pride in his work. I have been to several clubs and many of the guys were just there to make money and were not concerned about the quality of their work. You are a true professional and you are right when you said in early blogs that it is an occupation and if someone decides to make it their career, they need to take pride in their work. Devon, if I ever get down South, I am looking you up. You’re the best in the business and keep it up!!!!

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  4. my gosh… now THAT is a resounding endorsement. i would be honored to give you your first lap dance.

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