Total Pimpology for your mind: Arpad Miklos + hot, drunk chick + slow motion swag = gratuitous heterosexuality

Oh great Goddess, it has been a crazy day. But a very empowering one, nonetheless. Lemme break some knowledge down for my peeps…

So, I was flirting online with a total freaking hottie. Oh. My. God. Becky. What? Anyway, he turns out to be a veteran of gay adult video, and thinks I’m stunning. I’m not going to disuade him, not by a long shot. LOL If he wants to flatter me right into bed, that’s totally fine with me.

Later, instead of getting food (like I intended), I ended up at Cobalt at 17th and R in D.C. I don’t know how the hell this happened, but I started dancing with this one girl who was playing with the light beams in the air. It was sweet. We had fun. I guess, somehow (in a totally heterosexual way… the way only straight men can play with lights in the air at a gay bar while singing along to Lady GaGa’s “Paparazzi?”) this totally hot woman thought it was her turn to dance with me. “I’m gay you know,” I said. She didn’t care. At first I was going to avoid her, but then I thought, “I want to do an experiment.”

I walked around the club, trying to make eye contact. I turned some heads, but nothing out of the ordinary. I went back to her, and asked, “Do you want to make these gay guys go crazy?” She said “Hell, yes!” so I let her do all sorts of sexual stuff to me (we were making out hard, she was pressing my hands into all her naughty places, and wrapped one leg around me while we were grinding – titties are soft!), and when she reached down my pants to grope my ass and dick I took my shirt off. I played the part: I was the straight dude getting nasty with the hottest chick in the club. And I got exactly the result I expected: Suddenly I was umpteen times hotter. Why? Because all those stupid gay assholes thought I was straight. What a bunch of turds. I then had to sneak away when she went to the bathroom, because she thought she was taking me home. She was stunning. So beautiful that I momentarily considered the possibility of maybe getting an erection (but the moment passed).

What did we learn from this? Beautiful straight women are even better babe magnets than sports cars, dogs, and money. I could have fucked any dude in the place. Ridiculous. No. Ri-DICK-ulous. NO! Ri-COCK-ulous. (Credit to Gunn for that lovely term.)

Anyway, something about feeling really sexual (because she did turn me on, in a hormone way, even if I wasn’t sporting wood) makes me go in slow motion. I completely go into a musical retardando… I move as though the video were being played back at only 75% normal speed, and I somehow swim/float/glide through space-time. And my gaze gets very heavy, very penetrating. I left the club feeling like a predator. And even though she was no longer with me… I could have fucked any dude on the way back to the hotel.

Author: Devon Hunter

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  1. Hello this is cupidshold of realjock. Just wondering were you the least bit aroused by the girl. Besides the fact of being int he moment.

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  2. Yes, she did turn me on. But not in the “I have a massive boner, and I must stick it in her throbbing, wet hole” way. Her kissing, rubbing, confidence (she said, “You are lucky to have me here: I am a hot chick.”), and sheer audacity made me very comfortable. The whole time, however, I was thinking “She is beautiful, but I am going to hurt her feelings, and that isn’t cool.” I am not sure how to explain it, because although it was sexual, my hormonal heat wasn’t directed AT her. She was kissing me, and I was kissing her back (and groping her as much as she did me), but the entire time I was looking for an exit, and I then vented those raised hormones on all the guys in my line of site.

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  3. It’s a very interesting experiment/observation indeed.
    Whenever I see a man acting all straight with his girlfriend in a gay bar, I always know immediately that he is not straight in the slightest. Why? Because there are thousands of straight bars/clubs that he could go to, so what point is he trying to make by making out with a girl in a gay environment? Talk about trying desperately to affirm his straight-ness to himself, while wanting to experience seeing other men at the same time.
    Therefore, whenever you see this kind of behaviour in a gay place, it is obvious that those “straight” men are still in the closet, or in denial, or curious/confused/questioning/unsure. In short, they are basically gay men who still have issues about their sexuality.

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  4. Do I have to request your “Goldstar” membership be turned in? Lol. In my “former life” when I was a chick magnet, which led to marriage & a beautiful daughter, I would wonder if guys found me equally as attractive as women did. (apparently so) Since coming out years ago, I sometimes wonder if I still have my mojo with women. What I’ve discovered is I’m attractive to both sexes but clearly for different reasons. The challenge for me is not getting caught up in the emotional attractiveness that women seem to be more so drawn to (that I miss). Was there any temptation on your part to go home with the “hot chick”?

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  5. Silly boys, you don’t listen very well, do you?
    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick…
    I love you as always no matter what you do with your candle stick.

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  6. Oh my god!!! Hahahahahaha I forgot Mom reads this! LOL I would blush, except that I’m too proud of having the awesomest mother in the history of the universe for it to be authentic. I love you too, Mom, no matter what!

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  7. So the guys in the bar are “stupid gay assholes,” yet you used this woman like a piece of meat for your “experiment” and then didn’t follow through? Oh yeah, that really makes you WAY more attractive!

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  8. Mick, I think your sarcasm is misplaced. I already said in the posting that I was aware of the complication of dancing with her, and I also said that she knew I was gay up front. I asked her if she wanted to “make these gay guys go crazy,” and she said yes. How is my using her for an experiment any worse than her using me as a rubbing post? A straight woman who goes into a gay bar, hermeneutically seals her vagina on a gay man’s crotch, and then goes to the bathroom should EXPECT to get left behind.

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  9. So hot to read this old story back when you were a Gold Star, but you had a burgeoning lust for women you couldn’t control. I guess it was only a matter of time before you lost your gold star and had sex with a woman during that MMF threesome and got to play with pussy. There must be some sort of hormonal or primal thing about heterosexuality, because even gay guys get horny for women sometimes. I guess it’s just nature wanting a male and female to mate, even if the guy is gay.

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  10. Hey Nick – I don’t think you read the blog about that MMF threesome the way I wrote it. But I suppose you’re right: Sexuality is a sliding scale, and there are lots of shades of gray between the black and white.

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