The stress of success

I have discovered a new fear (or at least a different incarnation of a familiar one): The fear of financial success. It’s odd… I find that I work very hard in various endeavors, hoping to attain some modicum of “success” in whatever it is I’m doing; however, as soon as I start to see those results, I (without realizing it, until after it has happened) back down/lose interest/get scared. Why would this be?

Is there worry that once I have achieved a particular “bench mark” there’ll be nothing left to do? Probably not. I don’t think in those terms. But what I have realized (and have said in various ways in different entries) is that I thrive on the process more than the outcome. I think there is also some small part of me that worries about maintenance/endurance/consistency… If I attain “success” how will I then avoid┬álosing it?

An interesting part of me that I need to examine more closely… I think this misstep in logic has cost me a great deal, and I need to reflect on how I think it has tripped me up in the past. I think I purposefully sabatoge myself, and I need to think about the subtle ways this fear manifests itself. Any insight from y’all would be greatly appreciated.

I am on the verge of creating tangible security and stability for myself for the first time, and I’m scared I’m going to get scared and fuck it up.

Author: Devon Hunter

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2 Comments

  1. You might want to also consider the fact that we are creatures of habit and routine and we like our status quo – whether good or bad. It seems ludicrous of course that anyone would not want to change their situation for something better but look around and you’ll see a million examples of people doing just that.

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  2. omg – you are SO spot on… look at any part of a person’s life. relationships, for example. i’ve noticed that people will be attracted to a person who offers unadulterated dysfunction simply because it’s familiar. when people make the generalization that we fear what we don’t understand, it’s seems it can be true on so many levels. how much goodness do we miss every day just because it doesn’t occur to us that we should accept it?? we are bizarre animals…

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